12 Steps to Camping Like a Jibson

1) Select campsite with public restrooms and amenities.

2) Leave after work on Friday, stopping for dinner at Wendy's on the way.

3) Arrive after dark, set up tent; forego fire due to rain, lack of wood, and general inability.

4) Fall asleep immediately on air mattress inflated from car-powered air pump (ideally. Note that car batteries cannot provide enough electrical current to run an air pump. Sleep on ground grudgingly.).

5) Eat breakfast: bananas, store-bought mini-muffins, hot chocolate heated on small camp stove (the only reason we brought it).

6) Take pictures to prove ruggedness to skeptical friends.

7) 9:00am, break down tent and shove equipment unceremoniously into car trunk.

8) Spend morning walking leisurely on the beach. Scare birds.

9) Using phone app, select a gourmet seafood restaurant for lunch in Provincetown.

10) Return home after less than 24 hours.

11) Owing to lack of fire while camping, cook s'mores over kitchen stove.

12) Watch movies and TV for the duration of the weekend.